Marlena stretched out in the big bed, the early morning sun streaming through the open window. Her only regret the fact that she woke up alone, she rolled out of bed and followed the beckoning call of coffee.

“Mom! Good morning.” Carrie grinned as her mother strolled into the sitting room. “You look very relaxed today.”





Marlena chuckled and joined her daughter on the couch. Pouring a mug from the steaming pot on the coffee table, she snuggled comfortably back against the padded arm of the sofa. “I am relaxed. Very relaxed. In fact, I can’t quite remember how I made it back to my room last night!”

Carrie flashed a sly smile. “What? You don’t remember Dad carrying you up the stairs around midnight? Sami and Eric were taking bets as to whether he would make it all the way up here without having to take a break!”

“Well don’t keep me in suspense. Who won?”

“Actually, nobody. We all figured he would make it, he looked very determined.. But I was wrong about one thing. I would have bet every cent I own that he would have stayed the night. Instead, he was very conspicuous when he left. When did he become so shy, Mom?”

Rolling her eyes, Marlena sighed loudly. “I know what you mean. Every time he is around me, it’s like a first date all over again! It was kind of sweet the first time, but it is getting old fast! I think it is one habit I will have to break him of.”

Thinking back to the many times she had walked into a room, only to find her mom and dad making out like high-schoolers, Carrie nodded agreeably. Raising her mug, she toasted her mother. “If anyone can do it...”

John stared out over the porch railing and drew in a deep breath of the crisp morning air. Realizing he was grinning like an idiot, he was still unable to wipe the smile from his face. He had forgotten what it was like to actually feel good. For long months, he had been lucky to wake up and not feel the anger that seemed to form the core of his existence. The days he had managed not to feel anything were the days he had counted as good. God, he had forgotten what ‘good’ really felt like.

“You look pleased with yourself this morning,” a deep voice cut in, snapping him from his reverie. Startled, John turned to find Stefano seating himself at the table.

“I wondered if you would come down today,” John replied amicably.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Not wanting to get into it with Stefano, John simply ignored him. Picking up his coffee cup, he washed down the last of his breakfast.

“So? How did it go yesterday? I suppose Marlena was delighted to have her whole little family back?”

“Stefano, you really don’t want to hear about it and I really don’t want to discuss her with you. Why don’t you just let the matter drop? Marlena isn’t any of your business anymore. I thought we had established that.”

“I believe that we established the fact that I was not willing to shoot you in order to have her, John. That does not mean I am out of her life.” Seeing the sudden flare of anger in John’s eyes, Stefano gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “John, calm down. I do not mean to interfere in your lives. But she will always be on my mind. You know that. It isn’t as if I particularly enjoy the fact myself.”

John gave a rueful groan. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he managed a tight smile. “She does have a way of getting under a man’s skin, doesn’t she?”

Contemplating his coffee mug, Stefano merely nodded. “That she does. I hope you never take her for granted.”

“Never again.” Turning his gaze back to the mountains, John was surprised when Stefano again broke the silence.

“Did you tell her? Did you tell her you still intend to work with me?”

John had pushed the issue from his mind, not wanting to face what he suspected would be an ugly scene. Leave it to Dimera to bring the issue up. As he turned to face the man, his answer was cut short by the sight of her standing alone in the doorway. Her face was pale, her eyes wide. Damn!

“John?” she called softly. Waiting for him to deny it. Waiting for him to swear to her Dimera was gone from their lives for good. For a fleeting second, even hoping for a flash of the violence she knew lurked within him. Instead, he looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

In the uncomfortable silence, Dimera rose from his chair. Surprised that he found no satisfaction in the tension between the two, he nodded politely to Marlena and made his way into the house.

Left alone with her, John rubbed at the bridge of his nose and sought the words that would make her understand. “Marlena, I’m sorry. I should have told you yesterday. I just… Stefano was not the first thing on my mind,” he finished with a rueful smile.

Her gaze softening, she sat down next to him. “Was this the deal you made? That you would work for him and he would let us be together? John, that’s the devil’s bargain.”

He smothered an ugly chuckle. She still didn’t understand him. Wishing he could live with the lie, he instead told her the truth. “Doc, Stefano didn’t make me do anything. I asked him, not the other way around. I can leave the organization any time I want.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Why? You know how much I hate that man. You know everything he has done to the family. Everything he has done to you! Why do you want to stay with him?”

“Marlena, have you thought about what will happen when we go home? I mean, really thought about it? They still think I killed Roman. I’m sure the authorities have a pretty good idea I killed Jameson, even if they won’t be able to prove it. You better believe they’re going to try and lock me up. I have more money than we will ever be able to spend, but I have more enemies than money. I need someone I can trust to back me up. I need to know you are protected, even if I can’t always be there with you. I need Stefano, Marlena. I trust him.”

“Well, I don’t,” she snapped. Rising stiffly, she stalked to the end of the porch. Leaning against the railing, she stared into the fields, seeing nothing and feeling only a bone-deep chill.

He’d known he’d end up hurting her. Had known he was not the man she still pretended him to be. He just hadn’t realized it would happen this quickly. He dropped his head back and stared into the blue of morning sky. “Damn...” he whispered, a quiet protest to the laughing Gods.

“I shot him! Do you remember that? Do you know what it took for me to try and kill another human being? Do you know the fear that drove me to that?”

He was surprised she was still talking to him, and his voice was soft as he answered her. “I wasn’t around when it happened… But, yea. I know. I know all about it. And I still can’t imagine how he must have hurt you to push you to that extreme.”

She turned on him, the anger shining in her eyes. “Then how can you do this? How can you let him be a part of our lives?”

“Because I am afraid, Doc! Don’t you get that? I have failed too many times. I’ve failed too many people. I won’t risk failing again. Not when it can cost me you.”

“John, Dimera is the danger! He’s the one you should be afraid of! I can’t have him in my life,” she said, shaking her head, biting her lip to keep the tears at bay.

He went to her, wrapped his arms around her as silent sobs shook her body. Finally, he felt the tension begin to ease. Ducking his head, he whispered in her ear. “He won’t be in your life. I promise. I will keep him away from you, from the children. I won’t accept any assignments. I promise you this, Marlena. But he is a part of my life and I intend to use the organization to protect you. Think of it as the least he owes you.”

“I don’t trust him, John. I never will,” she murmured.

He tilted her face up, traced the delicate line of her cheek with one finger. “You don’t have to trust him, Marlena. The question is, do you trust me?”

She hesitated, and for a moment he feared she wouldn’t answer. Then a smile curved her lips and all was right with his world.

“I will always trust you, John. Always.” As the relief washed over the blue of his eyes, she granted him a kiss to seal her promise.

John tapped on the office door and found Stefano immersed in paperwork. Startled, Dimera shot him a quizzical look. “I wasn’t expecting to see you up here.”

With a shrug, John moved to his familiar perch against the back of the sofa. “We did have a meeting scheduled for this morning.”

“And should I assume you have worked everything out with Marlena? Or are you here to tell me you are taking the family and returning to Salem?”

“Don’t be dense,” John answered shortly. “And what I have worked out with Marlena is none of your business.”

“You can leave if you are going to be insulting,” Dimera said, turning his attention back to the files on his desk.

For a moment, John considered it. Considered taking the family and leaving now. They could go back to Salem, let the chips fall where they may. As his thoughts drifted through the possibilities, so did the image, the frozen picture of Katherine, depicted in white and red. “I’m sorry,” he grated, running a rough hand over his face. “It’s just, she doesn’t want you in our lives. It isn’t easy for me to deny her.”

Looking up from his desk, Stefano’s expression softened. “No, I would expect not.”

“So, why did you need to see me? What’s up?”

Dimera leaned back in the big chair and smiled grimly. “It’s time to make our move John. Our men have completed mapping out the Brotherhood. We can take them out whenever you’re ready. I’m going to send you to D.C. tomorrow to coordinate the main attack.”

John absently checked the clip for the third time, trying to find something to do to fight the rising tension, trying to find some reason to stay in the ordinance room and avoid having to face her. With a frustrated sigh, he slammed the clip home. His nerves stretched thin, he spun around, gun in hand, as he sensed another presence.

Startled, Marlena froze in the doorway. Dressed in dark fatigues, John’s face was a cold mask and she could almost believe he would pull the trigger on the submachine gun he held trained on her. He grimaced, the barrel of the gun dropping to the floor, and he turned away from her.

“Didn’t hear you,” he muttered as he began to once again strip down the weapon in his hands.





“I guess not,” she answered cautiously, as he continued to ignore her. “Where were you? You disappeared after breakfast and never came down for lunch.”

“Something came up. A mission. Stefano wants me to go out tomorrow.”

“You’re leaving?”

He shrugged, and it felt like he was already gone. So cold, so distant. She’d never seen him like this, not since the island. Not since she’d watched him shoot a man down and never blink an eye.

“Is this how you always are before you go out to kill someone?”

Startled, he looked up, an amused grin tugging at his lips. “This is how I always am when you aren’t with me.”

“I’m here now,” she replied, as she moved across the room to him. Putting her hand atop his, she pulled him away from the gun that now lay in pieces on the rough workbench.





“You shouldn’t be,” he said softly. “Your presence is… distracting.”

“Distracting enough that you won’t go out tomorrow?”

Thinking to himself that she was so ‘distracting’ he was liable to walk into a bullet and never even notice, he instead said, “If you put your mind to it, I’m fairly certain you could make me forget to breathe.”

As he leaned back against the edge of the table, she smiled up at him. His face again familiar, the father of her children stood before her. She drifted closer, brushed against him. John stood frozen, his hands gripping the edge of the table, as she stretched upward to capture his lips with her own.

She touched him and he broke. This was what he had feared. This intimacy that would bind them together, that would make them one. She was his weakness and he would be her death. He jerked his head back. Opened his eyes. Breathed.

“Doc, no,” he grated.

She didn’t back away, just watched him with patient eyes. “Do you love me?”

“Doc...”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, I love you. I will always love you,” he whispered, looking away.

She touched his face, forced him to meet her gaze. “Do you remember what you told me? You said you would not make love to me because it couldn’t be only one time. If we made love, you would have to come back. John, I want to know you will come back to me. That you will come back tomorrow and every day afterwards. I want you to make love to me, John.”

He was caught in the gold of her eyes. Trapped in amber, he could fight no longer. He lowered himself to her lips and felt a tear roll down his face. When she kissed him back, he knew he was lost.

She parted her lips and let him enter. Sucked gently in an old familiar dance, only to falter as he found a new rhythm. A demanding rhythm. He wrapped thick fingers in her hair and she felt the press of his body, his heat and his hardness. When he finally broke from her, she gasped for air. Pulling herself to his chest, she tried to still her ragged breathing. Above her, she heard him give a low groan of pure pleasure.

Slowly, she became aware of the sound of his voice, a throaty whisper of a sound. “Not here, Doc. Please...”

She shivered slightly as she felt his body move. “Why not?”

His chest shook as he released a small chuckle. Gently, he grasp her arms and eased her back. He waited as her eyes opened, as they focused.





“Marlena, I don’t want to cheapen this. To cheapen you.”

“Being with you will never lessen me, John. Besides, how much do you really think I’m worth on the open market?” she teased, running a finger lightly along the side of his face.

His eyes blazed and he caught her hand, brushed a kiss against her palm. “You are worth everything, Doc. My blood, my life, my soul. I would give everything I am, everything I will ever be, for you. It still wouldn’t match your price.”

She couldn’t help but smile. “John, you’re here. That makes this right.”

“This place is beneath you, Marlena. Hell, I am beneath you!” he said, struggling to maintain his control, to pull away from her while he still could.

“Only if you are very, very good,” she replied slyly. With a quick step forward, she knocked him back across the work table, grabbing his hands as he tried to push her away.





He couldn’t help the smile that lit his face. As she leaned over him, bending him back across the table, he knew he couldn’t resist her. Her lips came down to claim him again… and the door to the armory burst open.

“Uh… Sir!” Bryce said, snapping to attention as he noticed he was not alone. Red-faced, he managed to sputter, “I’ll come back later, sir. I thought, I thought we had a briefing. My mistake.” Back-peddling frantically from the sight of his boss bent across a table, a beautiful blond pinning him down, he slammed blindly into the wall behind him.

John gave a cracked laugh and took the opportunity to slip from Marlena’s grasp. Rubbing a hand roughly through his hair, he tried to collect himself. “No. Stay. We were done here anyway...” As his voice trailed off, he could not help but dart a glance back at Marlena. At the look on her face, he decided he was safer if he just kept staring at Bryce.

“Really, Sir! It’s alright,” Bryce was still stammering, as John breezed out the door. Grabbing a fistful of shirt, he dragged the young man behind him, heading for higher ground.

It was silent around the big dining table. An uncomfortable tension filled the room, cutting off the chatter that usually accompanied a meal. Stefano leaned back in his seat at the head of the table. Poking irritably at a piece of lamb, he thought to himself that you could actually feel the waves of fear. Grimacing at his own weakness, he considered pulling John off the mission.

“Mom says you’re going out tomorrow? That you have an assignment?” Carrie asked hesitantly. The kids all looked to their father, sitting quietly opposite Dimera.

John nodded. “I’m supervising a mission. The last one before you guys can go home. It’s no big deal. I probably won’t even see the field,” he said with a grin meant to be reassuring.

“You are coming home with us. Right, dad?” Sami asked, her face troubled.

“I promised you I would. When this mission is finished, we can all go home,” he replied, glancing at Marlena, who had avoided looking at him the entire evening.

“You want to play cards or something later?” Eric asked, feeling the undercurrent of emotion between his parents.

“Uh, I can’t, Eric,” John muttered. “I already have something I have to do.”

From the corner of his eye, John could see the irritation on Marlena’s face. When the meal finally wound down and they rose to leave, he called softly to her. “Marlena? Doc, can I talk to you?”

“What is it? I thought you had to prepare for the mission?” she asked, still avoiding his eyes.

He shrugged, moving toward her, stopping only once she was close enough to touch. “Bryce can handle the briefing. I thought there were more important things...” With an irritated sigh, he searched for the right words. Nervously, he shifted on the balls of his feet. “Marlena, I know how you love surprises...”

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